is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize