I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
