How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
