the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think I died a long time ago.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize