Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
