I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
