Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
