"it" just moved
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
