i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
