The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
