K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
