how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Randomize
