she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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