...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
