Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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