i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
