What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
