My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
