I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
