chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just gargled with NyQuil
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
