I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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