Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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