found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
