We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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