Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
