There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
