Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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