Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
