one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize