you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
