just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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