put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
