the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
