I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize