Need sex. Gaining weight.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There r osticjed everywhere
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
