Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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