genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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