He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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