Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
