Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
