I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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