She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
