remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
and she was petting her beer can
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
