Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
