I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
