right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
