there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
