Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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