I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
