I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it because I queefed?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Randomize
