Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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