someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you would pick up someone in the library
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
