I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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