What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
What a dumb baby whore.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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