She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he puts the penis in happiness.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
