And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
