I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
