I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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