No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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