My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
high people should be assigned attendants
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
