remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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