Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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