Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
