So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
