Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
