I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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