It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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