Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
