My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
