We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
